The Perfect Punishment
by death-in-the-orchard
Summary: Integra gets to punish Alucard and Anderson...


"I told you not to fight him Alucard, so stop your whining and accept your punishment. Anderson's getting an equally harsh punishment as well." Integra glared and slammed the door of the recording studio, leaving Alucard aghast with ear phones secured to his head.

He caught sight of the miserable priest behind the glass on a level above him, also wearing earphones. The priest pushed a button and growled into the microphone on the counter before him.

"This is sick."

"I couldn't agree more." Alucard looked away from the glass and scowled at the absurd lyrics. ""This is a song for a woman." He muttered with utmost disdain. He jolted and smiled mischievously.

Anderson's eyes widened and then narrowed as Alucard shifted into the form of a young girl. The earphones now slipped off of his head and he adjusted them as the piano began to play. It was an American song, Teen Spirit by Tori Amos. Anderson grimaced, preparing for the traumatizing experience.

Alucard's face was blank as he read the lyrics off of the pages Integra had shoved into his hands, while Anderson's was also blank, stupefied.

After the song was over, the man running the studio burst into the room and stared at Alucard. "You…" he began slowly, eying the smug vampire. "…weren't supposed to change. Hellsing is a friend of my father's…and I'm supposed to see it through that you two are punished." He handed Alucard another sheet of paper with new lyrics. "This one is for a male singer…" he left awkwardly and Alucard scowled at him and took off the headphones before changing his form.

The vampire growled when he saw how long the next song was. "Damn." He put the headphones back on. This is War by 30 Seconds to Mars began.

***

Integra arrived and stopped to speak with the man in charge. She smiled with pity when she saw the emotionally unbalanced man. "I'm sorry you had to suffer the punishment also…"

"No, no, really…" he got up suddenly, making his wheeled chair spin out into a random direction. The man beamed, though anxiety was still present in his features. "I want to use these recordings."

Integra hesitated, taken aback. "They've been punished enough…"

He handed her two CDs. "One for you and a back up…if one is accidentally destroyed."

"What?" Integra looked at the CDs with confusion.

"Just listen to them."

***

"WALTER!"

The butler burst into the room and found Integra in a state of shock.

"What…?" he began.

"Push play…replay the CD and listen. Okay? Just listen and tell me I haven't lost my mind."

After the two songs were done Walter glanced at Integra with an uncomprehending look. "They're very good, but I don't understand why that…"

"It's not the music itself, it's who's singing the songs." Integra stared at the speaker on her desk.

"It was a woman singing and then a man…Sir In…"

"That was Alucard. Both of them." She paused and then sat up abruptly. "It was supposed to be their punishment! But this…!"

Walter mirrored Anderson's previous, stupefied expression. "Where is Alucard?"

"I left him at the studio. The acquaintance I mentioned before…begged me to leave him there."

The two looked at one another and left the room.

***

"Can I stop now, Master?" Alucard gave Integra a miserable look. "It's been an hour."

"Yes." Integra said stiffly and watched Alucard rip off the headphones with malicious glee. The vampire chuckled.

"I wonder how the priest is doing…"

Walter and Integra were silent as they followed Alucard into the room where the priest had been imprisoned. Anderson was out cold on the counter, slouching in his chair.

"That's just insulting, priest." Alucard snarled and Anderson jerked awake. He stared at the vampire in horror and then rage twisted his features. The chair was flung away as the paladin stalked up to Alucard, stopping a few feet away from the vampire.

"Don't you dare let me hear you sing again, demon spawn."

Alucard smirked at him. "I knew I was bad, but not that…" He stopped when Anderson's face betrayed his surprise. "What?"

The priest scowled at him and left without a word.

"That was an ingeniously cruel punishment, Master." He smiled at her darkly and then stopped when he noticed her confusion.

"You think you're bad at singing?" she gave him an odd look.

"So what? I am."

***

"VAMPIRE ALUCARD!" roared the priest at the front gate of the Hellsing estate. The sun was still up, but Alucard appeared before Anderson with plain annoyance.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded and then started when Anderson threw a CD case at him.

"I told you to never let me hear that damned voice of yours again!" the blue, glowering eyes watched as astonishment and then anger flashed through Alucard's eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"

It was Anderson's turn to flinch when Alucard's voice almost ruptured his eardrums.

"Complain to Integra if you want! I had nothing to do with this!" Alucard snapped and crushed the plastic into dust and glared at the particles as they escaped, blown by the wind.

"Master!" Alucard stood before Integra's desk and she gawked at Anderson who stayed at the door.

"Alucard! What exactly…?"

"Tapes!" he cut her off and her eyes widened and then she grinned. Integra laughed at him openly, inspiring an outburst from the priest.

"What have you unleashed on the world?!" he demanded with obvious loathing in his eyes.

The two stood in shock as she pulled out a CD from her desk. Smirking at them, Integra slipped the disc into her CD player.

When silence returned, Integra had to stop herself from laughing at Alucard's dumbfounded, gawking expression.

"This has to be a joke."

"It isn't." she smiled as her servant stared at her.

Alucard burst out laughing, startling Integra and the priest.

"This is the strangest form of torture I've ever heard of." He laughed again. "But it's quite effective and somewhat humorous."

Integra looked disappointed as the vampire left, escorting the priest out of the Hellsing estate.

***

A few days later, screams of protest could be heard throughout the Hellsing manor as Ceres protested while her Master destroyed her new laptop.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" she wailed, helplessly.

"It had a virus." Alucard said conclusively as the screen flickered and the open itunes window disappeared. "There." He grinned, his fangs flashing. "All better."

"WHY?" Ceres continued to sob and she mourned her loss as her Master disappeared.

"Ask Integra for a new one. It's her fault anyway."


End file.
